Sometimes, I can’t help but laugh at the world around me. It seems that everyone is trying (if failing) to get healthy. The number of diet items in the grocery has got to be at an all-time high, and its no longer okay to eat an apple, it must be an ORGANIC apple.
It is getting easier to eat healthy out. Most places post their nutrition information online, they put a little leaf next to the healthy choice, and even KFC is touting their new (dry, I hear) grilled chicken.
So it cracks me up at those places bucking the trend. Those places that embrace what they are: dens of impending death by heart attack. The two worst offenders, by my count:
1) Dominos. Now– pizza isn’t supposed to be healthy. I get it. But papa johns has the new whole wheat crust and the other places have the decency to at least maintain the status quo. But you? Dominos? With your pasta in a bread bowl… are you freakin kidding me? It isn’t bad enough to eat a big bowl of pasta in creamy and/or meaty sauce. Oh no. Now the pasta delivery device ITSELF has to be fattening too. Who wants a calorie-free plastic container when you can eat through 600 calories of bread at the end of your pasta carb-fest. Awesome.
2) Taco Bell. I know they have a small healthier menu and that is great… but do they advertise it? Ever? No. Because no one goes to taco bell to NOT eat themselves half way to a heart attack. First they come up with the Fourth Meal concept, blatantly flying in the face of every doctor in America that tells you–Dear God–if you MUST eat crappy food at least do not do it late at night. Taco Bell says never fear you late night cravers… we are now serving our calorie laden piles of something that is questionably food until 4am!! So you can get a whole extra meal into your day, and right before bed, to boot. And now? This taco salad they’re advertising (the name of which is failing me at the moment)? The big selling point is that it has just enough lettuce to be considered a salad. But not enough to, you know, be good for you. So that when when you go to your doctor and you’ve mysteriously gained 15 pounds you can tell the doctor in all seriousness: I haven’t been eating anything new, I have even begun eating salads on a regular basis!
I can’t help but wonder how long it takes for someone to sue one of these companies for negligent homicide when Uncle Big Joe keels over from a heart attack…. I give it 5 more years.